Content Warning: The following contains topics that reference themes of depression, self-harm, and suicidial ideation. If you or anyone that you know is struggling with depression or thoughts of self harm, please call the crisis hotline by dialing 988 from your phone. Reader/Viewer discretion is advised.

Logline

A young woman struggles to find the strength to regain control of her life as she battles her inner demon and attempts to reconnect with the only person who may be able to help her.

RUMINATE follows the story of a young woman named Vanessa Miller after she wakes up for possibly the last day of her life. We are introduced to Vanessa at the lowest point that she's been at. The last few years of her life have been defined by one major tragedy after another, and in her grief and trauma, she has retreated into solitude. She's been isolated for months, lives in filth, and actively avoids contact with anyone who could possibly matter in her life, including an estranged mother who tries desperately to reconnect with Vanessa, but is constantly pushed away by misplaced blame and grief.

Throughout the story, many of the events leading up to this point of Vanessa's life are revealed as she goes through a daily ritual of reliving her trauma through saved voicemails coinciding with those past events. It is in this way that one of her forms of self-harm manifests. She blames herself, she won't allow herself to forget, and most importantly, she won't allow herself to be forgiven. All throughout this journey into her past, we, as the audience, are privileged to hear her internal thoughts. We follow along as slowly her mind twists the reality of her situation, and the world around her, into something dark and sinister. The depression blames her, it twists her, and tonight it makes its move as it attempts to finally drive her over that edge and into the abyss.

As the story unfolds we will see the world through Vanessa's eyes, the deeper into despair she falls, the more twisted things around her become. Shadows move without motivation, reflections linger, items mysteriously find themselves in places they shouldn't be, and this new idealized "perfect" version of Vanessa taunts her at every turn to remind her that she simply isn't wanted, that she isn't good enough. Is this Vanessa's depression at it's peak, as it breaks down the last of her defenses before it puts the last suggestion of harm in her mind? Or is something more sinister and supernatural at play? Ultimately that will be left up to the viewer to discern upon the film's climax, but one thing is certain. Everything that Vanessa is experiencing, we are experiencing right along side of her.

This is a story about isolation, about giving up, and about living inside of a mind that is openly hostile towards Vanessa, and by proxy, the viewer. Will she succumb to her intrusive thoughts? Will she take that last step that she can never return from? Or will she finally recognize the state of her life and the threat she's in and call out for help from the last person she wants to talk to?

Will the depression let her, or will she find the will to overcome and take the first step towards healing?

Director's Statement

For as long as I can remember, I have been battling with depression in my life. In my teenage years, it was easy to overlook, and dismiss with basic statements like, "He's just being a moody teenager." or, "He's just at that age where the emotions are out of control." It wasn't until a few years ago, when I had my own close call that I finally got help and began to really understand. In the years that followed, I often found myself frustrated as I tried to be honest with people about what my experience was like. What it felt like in my head, why I almost did what I did, and why it's so easy to retreat inside yourself when it starts to become overwhelming. Those that also had depression understood immediately, but those that didn't have it, often sat there confused as to why I wouldn't just ignore the negativity swirling inside my head. I tried so many ways to get them to understand, but I never could get them to properly grasp what I was saying.

Fast forward to now, and the opportunity to create my first short film has presented itself. When I started on this journey of becoming a filmmaker, I often wondered to myself, "If I only ever get to make one film, what would it be about?" The answer to that became clear as I began to realize the goals that were important to me. Art is supposed to mean something, stir emotion in the participants, and leave them with a profound idea to contemplate. So if I only had one film to make, what would the message be, what impact did I want to leave? It was obvious.

Depression and the ugly consequence that it can have often tear relationships apart, and it often leaves a wake of devastating grief and confusion in its wake. People wondering why they didn't see the signs, why the person never reached out, or why they never checked in. It's often something that we don't attempt to discuss until long after it's too late, and the damage has already been done.

The goal with the film isn't to just make a film in the horror genre, but to utilize the genre in a way that I can finally explain what it's like to live with a mind that tries to undermine and betray you at every turn. It's terrifying when you really think about it, it knows all of your fears, your secrets, your shame. It weaponizes these things to drag you down until it ultimately consumes you. If I could make a film that shows that, then maybe I have a chance to explain it so that those without depression can understand a little better what a loved one is going through, while also showing those that do have it that they're not as alone as they sometimes believe they are.

And thus, RUMINATE was born.

RUMINATE: Mission Statement

RUMINATE exists to make visible what depression and suicidal ideation actually feel like from the inside, not as a warning, not as a spectacle, but as an experience worth staying with.

We are using the language of demonic possession because it is the closest the horror genre has come to describing what it feels like to lose authorship over your own mind: to watch yourself do and think things you don't recognize, to feel a presence in your own body that isn't fully you and isn't fully separate from you either. We are not using possession as a synonym for evil. We are using it as a container for grief, exhaustion, and the pull toward death, because horror, done honestly, does not flinch from pain the way other genres may.

Our commitments, as filmmakers:

We will keep our protagonist conscious inside her own possession. The camera stays with her, not with the people frightened of her. Depression is something she experiences, not something she is, and the film's job is to make that distinction impossible to miss.

We will resist the spectacle. A body in crisis is not entertainment. Every image of suffering in this film has to earn its place by deepening the audience's understanding of what depression costs, not by using that cost for shock value.

We understand that no single viewer will decode this metaphor the same way. Someone who has been failed by psychiatric care will watch a different film than someone who hasn't. Someone whose culture already stigmatizes mental illness will watch a different film than someone whose doesn't. We are not trying to control that variance, we are trying to build a film sturdy enough to hold it.

We are making a film that assumes its audience includes people who have lived this, not just people watching from a safe distance. Every choice, who survives, who is believed, who gets an interior life on screen, is being made with that audience in the room, not as an afterthought.

The goal, from the very begining was to take our art and express it in a way that opens dialogue. Dialogue across a diverse group of people, who all have their own, very personal battles with depression. Dialogue across the gap of those who live with it, and those who do not, with the hope that with a bit of context, someone may finally be able to reach out to a loved one who is struggling.

RUMINATE is not a film about being haunted by a demon. It is a film about being haunted by your own mind, and it is asking to be watched by people who already know what that's like, and by those who don't but are desperately seeking to understand those they know who do live with it, without asking them to be frightened of themselves or their loved one in the process.

We See You

We want anyone who experiences this film that may be suffering from depression and suicidal ideation to feel seen, understood, and to leave knowing that they are not alone in their battle.

Help You See

We want anyone who doesn't live with this mental health condition to walk away from RUMINATE with a basic understanding of the daily battles that someone they know may be fighting, and help them be able to offer support from that understanding.

Empathy not Spectacle

Our goal is to approach this not in an exploitative way but in a way that allows the viewer to understand the plight of the individual. Depression is something a person experiences, not something that a person is.

No One Overlooked

We understand that not everyone experiences mental health issues the same way. Class, race, gender, ability shapes our views and lived experiences differently, and our goal is to tell a story that speaks to everyone.

Page updated

Google Sites

Report abuse